#IExistAsIAmThatIsEnough

I am sitting here absolutely gobsmacked. So completely and utterly in shock, because despite this past tumultuous year, NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

Context: Every year, around this time, I answer 25 questions about how my year has gone. I unpack the turmoil, the growth, the happy memories, the tears, the sunshine and balmy evenings, the cuddles and the brunches. Then I come to some major epiphany about how great my life is and how much progress I’ve made. Then I pat myself on the back and pour some champagne and look forward to the next year.

This year is different. After reading my assessment from last year, I’ve made no completed progress on the goals I had set. Don’t get me wrong, there have been some absolutely beautiful moments for me this year – sailing on the Adriatic ocean, Michelin starred dining in London, beer tasting in Seattle, drinking chocolate in Portland, music festivals galore, etc.

I started my book, I started redecorating my apartment, I started dating again (then gave up immediately), I started a lot of sustainability practices (i.e. farmers markets, green, cleaning, products, I started this new version of the blog, I started journaling again, I started more art-related projects, i.e. food styling, coloring (#lol), and sketching.

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Career wise, I stagnated. Also stagnated fitness-wise. Dating-wise – well, that was rough. (Remember that time I dated an actor who was named after a bird of prey and was obsessed with Blink182?)

When I started writing this post two days, I was feeling a bit annoyed with myself. I felt that I didn’t have a lot to show for this past year. But after a stern talking to from friends, I realized there is so much progress I’ve made, that may not have tangible measurements.

For instances, I’ve begun a lot of mindfulness practices. I’ve hosted a shit ton of dinner parties and started my pop-ups. I’ve learned to create boundaries. I’ve done well at my job. I’ve been dedicated to working out and hiking and eating healthy. I’ve managed to save for and go on so many amazing trips. I’ve kept in close touch with my friends across the States and the world. I think patience is better, and my anxiety less (of course, depending on the situation.)

I guess all this rambling leads me to no real conclusion other that I am content with where I am, even though there is so much more I’d like to accomplish in the coming year. Finish the book, do an open mic night, keep doing pop-ups, keep blogging, get even healthier, continue my efforts at introspection, creating healthy boundaries, and taking over the world.

And more than ever, I am so grateful for another year and another opportunity to be a person that I love being.

#IExistAsIAmThatIsEnough

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